:(

Progesterone= 5
hCG= 49
My doctor finally called this morning with the news. Even if the hCG went up a bit it doesn't mean anything. She still thinks that I will miscarry on Monday or Tuesday. So, I'm basically waiting for the blood to come. Do you have any idea of how hard that is? It is almost unbearable. This morning, before I even heard from my OB, I had to get in bed because I had no energy left. I seriously couldn't move for about an hour. After that, my husband came, and I broke in tears, I cried as loud as I ever had.
My best friend in Chicago is in labor. I'm happy for her, no doubt about it. But going to see her tomorrow, and to meet her beloved baby, while I know I am miscarrying mine is going to be difficult. I had to attend he baby shower while I was having the last miscarriage. Nice timing. But I love her so much that I will go regardless. I'll eat up my tears, and let them out when I'm back home.
I presume this is going to have a very hard week. I start a new teaching job, I interview for another one, and we are going to move in fifteen days. Luckily all that will keep me busy. But I will also be exhausted. Emotionally drained. Even more than I am right now. The worse part is that I lack the energy to spend time with my beloved son. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a better mom. One that's not broken. I just want my little sesame seed to stay. I'm doing my best to keep him comfortable in there for as long as he wants to stay. He is alive, and he is my baby. My very tiny little baby.