A mental one, I mean. I haven´t posted in a long time, but the episode that followed my last post should be easy to guess for anyone who has been following my journey. Days later I miscarried, spent my day in bed, and went back to work. I got mad at my doctor because she made me go all the way to her office just to tell me to keep trying. And I rebeled. I decided to take a break, and spend six weeks in Spain with my toddler. I stopped taking temperatures, doing OPKs, charting. I smoke, drink and ingest caffeine. In small amounts, but I do. And i don´t even remember when i had my last period. I decided not to know. I may be pregnant. I´ll check one of this days. If I am not, I will keep trying, for sure. But since my doctor doesn´t have a clue of what´s causing me to miscarry, and I don´t believe in randomness four times in a row, I´m trying on my own terms. i cannot keep putting my lofe on hold. i will live, and hopefully have another baby while I do it. which is what I did the first time around, when we conceived my beautiful son, the one who naps happily while I write. As oppossed to the four I lost in the way of being very careful so I would keep them.
So careful no more. Welcome back to live, myself. To live as I knew it. And the best part is that since i don´t time anything anymore, I even enjoy sex again. It´s not productive. It´s pleasureable. Which may lead to success.
Medically, for some reason my thyroid dropped dramatically to 0.4. Which confirms my theory that the USA affects my health. Obviously it dropped while I was in Spain, maybe I wouldn´t need the medication there. They have halved my dose, and we will see how it´s doing in a few weeks. Until then, i will keep waiting. While. I. Enjoy. The. Summer.
