This is getting very nasty

We had our last appointment with doctor S on Christmas Eve. We had started trying before we got her permission, on Sunday, but I thought that after staying in Chicago over Christmas, a very hard first for us, just to try to get pregnant, I should give it a shot. According to Fertility Friend our chances are good. The results from the uterine lining biopsy came back normal, but doctor S thought it may be maturing a little slowly, so she prescribed progesterone. I thought this would be taken by mouth, or injected... Of course not, you have to insert it vaginally, behind your cervix. Twice a day. In my case, with my tiny little fingers, which were never very practical even for masturbation, not to talk about placing little tiny orange balls behind a piece of myself... And now I say, "ho, ho, ho,ho...". What did Santa bring? 60 little round orange pills. I just inserted the first one, and it is nasty. Not easy. And my vagina feels funny. I hope that at least it will work...I have to start putting it in three days after the LH surge, and until my period starts again, or until the tenth week of pregnancy. I have some long months ahead of me...
Reviewing my daily routine, now that I have to teach at 8 am... I wake up at 6 so I can take the levothyroxine, so I can have breakfast one hour later at 7 so I can run to the University on time.While I wait to eat, I pop a little pill into my vagina. Repeat at night, followed by the prenatal vitamin. Ho, ho, ho, ho!!!!

Up... and down... up... and down...

... tarararararatararararara... This was a disco song from my teens. Long time ago. We are back to trying. I have to admit that we started on Sunday, without the doc's ok. But they left a message in my voicemail yesterday telling us to go ahead. My thyroid is back at 1.8, nice and comfortable. I still have to go on Thursday to get the results fromj the Yaleman. Nice start for my first Christmas Eve in the States. I don't enjoy the trying, but there is no way around it if I want a baby. DIY insemination is way cheaper than the medical one. So we'll keep trying. And if I don't get pregnant this month, 2010's will be the second Christmas I spend far from home. Tararararararatararararara. Up... and down... Just like my mood.

Done and cleared

I finally had my hysteroscopy done yesterday, and it wasn't nearly as scary or painful as I expected. They took very good care of me, the were gentle and sensitive, and doped me accordingly. As my doctor said, I was loopy. She also said that my uterus looked lovely, one of the best compliments I have ever heard. I left a happy woman. She found some scarring in my cervix (probably due to the IUD) that she had to remove in order to get in. But everything else is good. She took a biopsy that we sent to the man in Yale, so he tells us how my uterine lining is doing. And she wants to see us again on the 17th, to regroup, and, as far as my thyroid is back to normal, give us the go to trying again.
On the down side, we saw a genetic counselor on Tuesday regarding Hubby's chromosomal translocation. We have a 15% higher chance of miscarriage than everybody else, and we have a 3% higher chance of having a baby with birth defects, of any kind. Of course they offered embryo selection, sperm donation, and all kind of prenatal invasive tests to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy or not. Of course I refused. They were understanding, and not at all pushy. They understood. And I am glad they did. Because there is no reason that would make me get rid of my baby. I totally respect whatever decision anyone else does. But not me. I couldn't. They will be my babies. As the three I lost were. As the one who is running around the apartment naked still is. No mother should aspire to perfection. It's not how it works. And if you do, maybe you shouldn't be a mother at all. Am I being judgemental? Maybe. But I feel entitled. I will be just happy to keep being a mom. I know where I am getting myself into. I know the chances. And I will welcome and love every child we have. We won't cope with the problems until they arrive. Wisdom learning of the week.
Despite all this, I couldn't be happier. Because little L is walking (and running, and bouncing, and hugging, and kissing) proof that we can have a baby. I just can't wait to try again, with more knowledge, and more peace.