14w, 2d

I finally feel officially pregnant. Until this week, I was seeing a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist who didn't do any prenatal testing, only ultrasounds to make sure that the baby was fine and where he/she is supposed to be. But on Tuesday I transferred to Dr H, who will be my OB and hopefully will deliver the baby. We are far from being out of the whole high risk loop due to the chromosomal traslocation and my previous preeclampsia. She is an MFM, and both she and her midwife are lovely, nice, caring, joyful women, who totally made me feel like I'm being taken care of. Which is something I haven't felt often in this country. Since they work at UIC I feel that my chances of a VBAC are better. They said that so far, there is nothing that indicates against a trial of labor. I am realistic, and they are encouraging, which should be a better mix than we had the first time around.
I have already contacted a doula, and I hope to meet her in the next couple of weeks so we can see whether we connect or not. If we do, I will be able to check something else off my list. Now I need to find prenatal yoga classes. I hate exercising, but I'm sure I will feel better if I do it, and my back will be in better shape.
I can tell that I am way happier than I have been in the last few weeks. I guess I was scared. I still am, and I will be until I have this baby in my arms. My next milestone is the 20 week level 2 ultrasound. After that, comes birth in my paranoid book. But I am enjoying it now, to such a point of relaxation that I fell asleep three times in the bus or train this week. That's not me. And that elates me.

12w 1d

Since I bought the first footsie this week I think I can already scream that I'm pregnant. Twelve weeks pregnant. And so far, everything appears to go well. Baby is fine, where h/she is supposed to be. And I have made it through the first trimester. The last four times we didn't even made it to half the first trimester, so this is huge. HUGE. We have probably had seven appointments with our doctor, and we are graduating from her next week, when we have our last appointment and another ultrasound. It would be the seventh, which in a way is scary, but in another reassuring. I am the weird mom who doesn't like ultrasounds, but when I get to see the baby moving around my womb I get some hours of peace.
I'm still terrified. Terrified of something happening to the baby, of the baby not being fine, of having another C-section. I'll start working on that in ten days, when I have my first appointment with doctor H, with whom I hope to give birth to my baby at UIC. She is the most likely to give me a fair shot to an unmedicated VBAC. I'm 28 weeks from that, which seems like a lot, but with all I have to do, I need to start to prepare soon. I need to read some books. I need to go back to therapy to prepare in case I have another C-section. I have to hire a doula. I have to find someone to take care of my son when I go to the hospital. My parents cannot come, so that's an issue. I have to try to get my body ready to birth, which is a challenge when you are a high risk mama. I have to work. I have to take care of my son, who is already three and a half.
That's my start up to do list. It will keep building up. Thankfully, being an Spaniard and living in a two bedroom prevents me from worrying about nurseries, and he/she being my second baby means that all the gear is already here.
I'm looking forward to Thursday. To see my baby again. I already feel his/her presence in my belly. I already had to start using maternity pant, my usual tight jeans don't cut it anymore. And I'm looking forward to keep posting. Hopefully, it will be a smooth ride with a happy ending. Anyway, I will share it with you.