Already upset

And I have known the doctor for just a few weeks... I called several times last week trying to get some of my test results, to no avail. The nurse told me that they only give them to you when they have all of them and the doctor meets with you to design a plan. That already made me a little mad, since it is my blood, all 16 vials of it. Then, I called to let them know that I ovulated on Saturday, and I needed to set up an appointment to do the hysteroscopy. Their answer? They are already booked!!!!!!! I was extremely mad and disappointed. This can happen again next month. A few sweeties here and there, and thanking me for being patient will not fix it. The only thing they have gotten is for me to reconsider the hysteroscopy. I want them to give me the results for the thyroid test now, start taking hormones to fix that now, and maybe try to get pregnant again in one month, without doing the hysteroscopy. I know I run a pretty high risk of miscarrying again. But no one can guarantee me that it couldn't happen anyway after further testing. And this way we don't touch an already touched uterus. With my gynecologic luck, I'm sure I will be the 1% complication rate. I'm always the residual percentage. I make all their statistics. It sucks. Am I making any sense? Yes, I'm in a hurry. But I am about to run out of pages in my little pink Moleskine, the one I use to record all my FF data. And I am certainly in a worse place than when I started.

Tapping my fingers

I am waiting. Waiting is killing me. I'm not good at it. I'm impatient. At least I finally had my period, so now I am waiting for that lovely ovulation to happen. Until then, I'm back to the FF chart, and doing OPKs every day. And when I'm done waiting for the ovulation, I have to wait another ten days until they do the hysteroscopy. Which sounds uncomfortable, and a little scary. It only has a .5% risk of complications, but with my luck, I will be the .5%. But we need to do it. I didn't get any test results back yet, and since it'[s been twenty days I'm going to start bugging my doctor's office. I want something. Some bait while I wait. Ahhhhhrgggg!
On another note, I have realized I'm not healed from the miscarriages. I thought I had already mourned them. But nope. Last weekend my mom shot me the news that my cousin and his wife are having a baby in May. It was harsh. I started crying, hysterically. I wasn't crying because of the baby they are going to have, of course, I'm actually happy for them. I was crying for the babies I will never have, the three I already lost. And for the uncertainty about the future. I was crying because I ain't going to have no baby. So now, three people very dear to me are going to have babies around the times of the three due dates that could have been. Thanks nature, babies emanate happiness.