Tapping my fingers

I am waiting. Waiting is killing me. I'm not good at it. I'm impatient. At least I finally had my period, so now I am waiting for that lovely ovulation to happen. Until then, I'm back to the FF chart, and doing OPKs every day. And when I'm done waiting for the ovulation, I have to wait another ten days until they do the hysteroscopy. Which sounds uncomfortable, and a little scary. It only has a .5% risk of complications, but with my luck, I will be the .5%. But we need to do it. I didn't get any test results back yet, and since it'[s been twenty days I'm going to start bugging my doctor's office. I want something. Some bait while I wait. Ahhhhhrgggg!
On another note, I have realized I'm not healed from the miscarriages. I thought I had already mourned them. But nope. Last weekend my mom shot me the news that my cousin and his wife are having a baby in May. It was harsh. I started crying, hysterically. I wasn't crying because of the baby they are going to have, of course, I'm actually happy for them. I was crying for the babies I will never have, the three I already lost. And for the uncertainty about the future. I was crying because I ain't going to have no baby. So now, three people very dear to me are going to have babies around the times of the three due dates that could have been. Thanks nature, babies emanate happiness.