Short

The rayita is gone. I had a miscarriage yesterday, and it feels awful. I spent my morning crying, then trying not to cry at the doctors office, and then crying again. Then, when we went back home, we all had a three hour long nap. Sleeping part of it off was a good idea. I spent the rest of the day resting around, with Husband a baby L at home with me. Husband is also sad, it was a loss for the three of us. I know we only knew for a few days, but we were already making all kind of plans, and we were elated I was finally pregnant, after seven months of trying... They told me we can try again after my next period, and that's exactly what we plan to do. After a three day break I wen back to Fertility Friend. I knew it would be difficult, but the sooner the better. Now I'm battling with the idea of taking a shower, I hate to see all the blood, but I'll have to do it eventually, and my pain (the physical part of it) may even go away for a little bit. It feels weird, like a stronger period. Talking or writing about it also feels weird, but I have found that talking about it helps me. Most people don't, and I'm guessing that talking about it can help other people too. Part of the shock happens because we don't know enough about it. And there is nothing to be ashamed of, it's part of a process. A very, very sad part. I know I'll keep crying at times, but I'm trying to get better fast for Little L's sake. Going back to normal may help. It was a short patch of hope and happiness, and now we need to mourn it for a little while.

Rayita confirmed!

I went to the doctor today and they confirmed the pregnancy! I still have to wait for the result of the thyroid and progesterone tests, but things look good. I have the next appointment and first ultrasound in three weeks. They will tell me then my "exact" due date, but according to Fertility Friend, my charting site, it will be in mid November, just around my birthday. I still have many months to plan my VBAC, and decide whether I trust my doctor. One of my worries now is that everyone around me is telling me (see Husband, therapist) is telling me to wean my little L, and I feel bad about it. We love it soooooo much... I have to make up my mind before Istart to show, or he will relate the weaning with the new baby.

Las rayitas

I took a pregnancy test yesterday. I thought I could see a little light blue vertical shadow... I called Husband, and he saw it, too. So I wasn't imagining it. I took another one this morning. It was still there, a little darker today. We don't want to get too happy until we see the doctor... Since I had an appointment for Tuesday to check the thyroid thing, I think I will keep it and see her then. I have been kind of tired and super thirsty the last week, the first symptoms I remember from my first pregnancy. But I also have abdominal pain, and I don't remember that. So, although I'm inclined to climb again to my pink cloud, I'm going to try to wait until we know everything is fine for sure. Meanwhile, I send positive energy ad love to the little seed... I have to admit I'm happy. And a little bit scared.

I'm mad...and that's not good.

I don't think it's going to happen this month either. I'm 11 DPO, and everything seems good, temps are up, and I'm supposed to test in a week. But after a couple of days of crazy energy, the kind that makes you empty your closets and drawers to organize and tidy everything, I'm suddenly in a very bad mood. I snap easily, and little L is making me crazy. I run out of patience in about two minutes. That's usually part of my PMS. I either cry or scream, usually one month of each, so I guess I have a sad ovary and an angry one. At least I ovulated, so it appears that things are working again. It may have been that my body was messed up by the horrible IUD removal. I'll write about that another day.

Still up

My temps haven't gone down. Whatever happens in the next ten days, it is good news because it means I probably ovulated. Which is good, after two months with no activity in that department. During the weekend I met with a friend who has been trying for a while too. It's refreshing and calming meeting with someone who talks the chart language, and is in the same wagon. I hope both of us get our wishes very soon. People around me are starting to get pregnant, which is a good sign: it was not the water. My friend S is 14 weeks along, and I'm very excited for her. She really wanted to have a baby.
I discovered today a very nice new baby/pregnancy store, Belly Bum. Here goes the link:
www.bellybumboutique.com
They have organic clothing, the best nursing bras I have tried on (they are German) and cloth diapers, and very cute diaper bags. They just opened ten days ago. Actually, they specialize in transition, the time between your pregnancy and your "I'm back to my old body" time. Which is like, ten years? It's a good idea, I still remember being in the hospital after my unexpected C-section with no clothes I could wear when I was to be discharged, and wearing Husband's shirts as breastfeeding gear. This is much nicer.