Hormones

I just put a cup of tea in the cupboard to warm it. Are those pregnancy hormones kicking in? I feel some abdominal discomfort, but not cramps. Every day is one day more of pregnancy. Tic tac tic tac... I'm five weeks today.

Double double double double...

The words that a woman with a history of early miscarriage expects to hear the most are "It doubled". And I heard them today. Although still very low at 130, it doubled from Saturday, which means that the baby in my belly is growing. I'm aware of the fact that right now it's only a ball of cells reproducing like crazy, but that ball of cells happens to be my baby. And I had only had my HCG levels double with the pregnancies that resulted in the two lovely boys who drive me crazy  at home every night. Actually, I even have an appointment for an ultrasound next week. Which will be a very long week as they are not doing any more bloodwork on me until then. I will be kind of nervius. Just kind of.

Here goes the 8th

Pregnancy, it is. Because I am pregnant again. I wasn't trying, I wasn't doing OPKs, I wasn't expecting it and I was utterly surprised when I took a test yesterday, 2 days after my period  should have started. I normally know one week earlier, but I seriously didn't think it would happen.

My first reaction was tears. Not joyful tears, but tears of fear. Fear of having to go again through a miscarriage, so soon after the last one. I then decided that fear is like giving up, and I am not giving up on this baby so soon. It sucks that yesterday was Friday, so although I had bloodwork done today I won't have any results until Monday. The wait is excruciating. All my tension sits in my uterus, that feels hard as an apple. And I pee as little as I can because I am scared of seeing blood. Nonecof those things are good for the pregnancy, but there is not much I can do to relax. Sleep would be good. Maybe later. Meanwhile, I'll keep up the hope while rubbing my belly.