And the doctor had bad news.

Progesterone= 9
hCG=44

Which means that hCG hasn't doubled. Which means that I am going to miscarriage sometime in the next couple of weeks. And this journey just keeps getting worse. I had my hopes up because my Fertility Friend chart looked wonderful. But nope, my doc said today. "I'm afraid I don't have good news". And at that very moment time stopped, and I started to cry. It was loud, very loud, so much that my toddler got scared, came to me, stroke my face and said : "Ya'ta, ya'ta" (translated from Spanish toddlerese: "Don't worry, it's over". Which is what I tell him when he gets hurt.
Then I went to the Internet. I have secondary recurrent pregnancy loss. At least, now it has a name. Next steps:
1. Primal screaming a little bit more
2. Calling my therapist. I need her big time.
3. Having more blood drawn tomorrow.
4. Talking to my OB on Saturday about the results.
5. Making an appointment at a clinic specialized in RPL at the University of Chicago
6. Waiting. An awful wait. At least this time I may have time to say goodbye.
I know I will keep a little bit of hope, hope for that infinitesimal chance of keeping this baby that my doctor didn't want me to believe in. But I can't help it.