:(:(:(:(

Yesterday I woke up at 5 a.m. with pretty bad cramping... Of course I couldn't go back to sleep. I went to the doctor, and they made me wait one hour and a half in a waiting room full of pregnant, very pregnant ladies. It wasn't my OB's fault, it was her silly staff. She didn't check me, or anything, she just referred me to the University of Chicago clinic. I have been trying to get an appointment since yesterday, with no luck so far. I war daring enough to ask her if this ruins my chances of having a VBAC with her. To my surprise she didn't lecture me about my priorities, she just said that she would jump if she gets to deliver my baby. Then she hugged me. It's a tiny gesture, but my grief been acknowledged is huge on itself. And she is the only person who doesn't give me any crap. She knows I may never have kids again, so she didn't say anything of t he likes of "Don't worry, everything is going to be fine". Because she doesn't know if that's true. And I appreciate honesty. I wasn't able to sleep until 2 a.m., I cooked a pot of chicken noodle soup I wasn't able to try, since I'm not hungry at all, and for some reason my whole body aches today.
Life goes on, just not inside of me. Outside, I have to go to my therapist today (it will help, I'm sure), and I have to meet my new supervisor, since I'm going back to work next week. Well, I know her, but I haven't seen her in five years. Best day to meet her.