So, there goes my story:
I'll start saying that our experience at UIC couldn't have been better. Everyone treated us with respect and care. Everyone read our birth plan it without us prompting them, and followed it.
On Sunday night I started having contractions, so we called our doula and went to the hospital. It was a false alarm, an although I was in pre labor I was sent home, and continued having on and off contractions for a couple of days. On Tuesday morning I had my appointment with my doctor, and since my blood pressure was high on Sunday she suggested an induction to avoid an emergency C-section in case my BP would go up again. After a little thought we decided to go for it. I have to admit that even though the idea of an induction scared me, I was easy prey, with L's birthday three days away.
We went to the hospital and started with a very low dose of pit at 3 pm Tuesday (it stayed pretty low, lower than 8 until the pushing stage). It was fine for the first few hours, but in the middle of the night the contractions started coming closer and being more painful, and at one point I decided to ask for an epidural. Both my husband and doula were great at helping me cope with the pain, and at trying to convince me not to get it, but I reached a point when I couldn't keep going without getting something for the pain. And although I was a little upset about it at the beginning, I made peace with my decision when I saw how big baby P was. After that I was able to rest, and by 2:30 pm of Wednesday I felt the urge to push, so we started. I was surprised to be as comfortable as I was with a resident managing the early stage of pushing, to the point that although my doctor came at the end I preferred the resident to catch the baby, since she did an amazing job of helping me push effectively, and massaging me trying to help the baby get out, since on top of being big he was asynclitic. After nearly three hours of pushing he came out, and I was able to hold him immediately, and kept him for a while. I was able to try to nurse him at that time, too. I had a second degree tear that is taking longer than I expected to heal, but it's also true that I wasn't able to rest the first few days.
We have been home for a few days, and we are still adjusting to life with two kids, but P is nursing like a champ and L is the best big brother we could have ever expected.
Once again, our doula was a big help with the birth, and everyone at UIC was great. I have read many times that residents are not supportive of VBACs, but that was not my experience at all. On their behalf I have to say that the two of them who assisted me were not only very supportive of it, but encouraging and even excited. On a different note, everyone was extremely proactive about breastfeeding: they offered constant help, didn't push too much about formula even though the baby was born with the sugar level on the lower side (resolved on its own), and didn't send me home with formula merchandising. Also I saw how they promoted breastfeeding among moms who weren't interested on it.
It was a great experience, and it gave me back my confidence. It made me feel like superwoman, even with the epidural thing. I'll try again next time. But for now, I just want to enjoy the baby in the cradle by my bed, the one who took three years to make. And I haven't forgotten the four who never will be born, although they will always be my babies. But this is a time to rejoice, not to cry, to care for my sons, to cuddle them, kiss them, pamper them. They are my world. And if i had any doubt during the pregnancy about being able to love them both the same, it went away as soon as they put on my breasts my little baby, still covered in blood and vernix, and I was able to kiss him, and cry, and immediately fall in love with him.
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