Pre labor?

I have been a disastrous VBAC blogger. I haven't written at all during the pregnancy. I haven't had the time, either, because I have worked more during the last four months that during the rest of my life altogether. Seriously. There was not much to say, either. The pregnancy has been as uneventful as it could have been. Actually uneventful is my new favorite word. And other that attend one ICAN meeting and doing pre-natal yoga (I love Sweet Pea Studio), I have done nothing to get ready. i have tried to read Birthing from Within, but it may not be my book. I have hired a doula. Other than that, my instinct is telling me to do nothing but wait and let my organism handle things, to let it do its job and give my body all my confidence.

As Braxton Hicks started getting more regular on Saturday and Sunday, that's what I have been doing. I'm uncomfortable, but still working. There is not a part of my body that doesn't ache, so my favorite place is the shower. Being in bed is excruciating. I haven't slept properly in weeks. And my funny instinct is telling me that I want to be left alone. I want to hide in my corner, in my room, and do my things, my translations, my blogging, my waiting in my room, on my own. I'm not sure I even want my husband around. I feel like an animal being observed by everyone, all of them looking for signs that for me are precious and private. This business only belongs to my baby and me, Pablo and I are the ones who have to go through this together, and no one can help us. We have to be in sync, and work hard, both of us. I'm extremely weary of going to the hospital, so I'm trying to make it until tomorrow, when I have my appointment with my doctor. So far she has been wonderful and I trust her, but I don't trust anyone else. I absolutely feel like having this baby on my own, in my room. I won't, of course, because I forgot, as everyone does, the animal in me. I'm too biased to dare it. But until I'm really ready to push this baby out, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not talking about it (I'll write to strangers in the open wider web, though ;) ), I'm not doing everything but breath, and wave, and keep in touch with my baby.

End of rant.