Bummer

The Three Wise Men, or Tres Reyes Magos, brought me, among many other things, my period. And this makes six months trying. I´ll give it two more cycles (a crazy, transatlantic one, and a proper one back home in Chicago) and then call my OB again. And the chart is not working, apparently. I´m a little sad, because I thought being in Spain would do the trick. But it didn´t really work. Although we tried. I hope it works soon. I have recovered hope, because after many negative reproductive news (everyone I know who is trying was either not getting pregnant or having miscarriages), my friend S is expecting. It´s still very early, but I have the feeling that it will go well. 2009 has to be the year. We all need it.

Charting

So far, charting is not going bad... Apparently we have a good chance this month, but I don´t want to get too happy, because I´m flying long haul, and that could make things difficult. Anyway, I can´t avoid being hopeful. The longer it takes, the more I want to be pregnant. Some says I have hesitations, unlike my husband. I´m afraid of not being able to pay as much attention as I do now to my baby, L, and of the pregnancy itself. I´m scared of the whole preeclampsia thing, you cannot be in bed rest with a toddler, can you? And I know I will have to fight battle after battle if I want to get a VBAC in a hospital setting, specially if it is the same hospital that forced me to so many interventions during my first labor. But I will stop the elucubration, since I´m not pregnant yet, at least not knowingly...

No again

I´m not pregnant. Not yet. I got my period the same day I had to fly to Spain with my toddler on tow. Sweet. I´m kind of upset, starting to think this is not going to happen, and the more I worry, the less likely to get pregnant, I´m afraid. It´s starting to be hard. I´m charting now, as my doctor recommended. She wants to run some tests if I´m not pregnant by January. Sounds good to me. Not like I have a big shot this month, since E and I are going to be together only for ten days. But you only need one time...

First negative peestick of the month

Since I'm leaving on Sunday for six weeks, and in case I'm pregnant I would like to see the doctor before I leave, I thought I had a good excuse to do a pregnancy test this morning, three days before my period is due. I didn't, I just wanted to see if I'm pregnant or not. Pretty silly from me, it was obviously negative. How wouldn't it be, considering that the first time around they kept coming back negative even when I was three weeks late? Oh, gosh. It will take a couple of weeks to know...

A's dream

My friend A wrote yesterday to tell me that she had dreamed that I was pregnant with a girl. As of today I don't know if I'm pregnant at all, but that's the second baby dream in a week. She has also been trying to get pregnant for some months. Apparently there is some kind of infertility cloud over here, because I know five ladies who are trying, but none has succeeded so far :(

Diary

I just faxed (actually my husband did) a diary my OB asked me to write for a few weeks. We are trying to find out what's going on, because for the last few months I have been having pain and very irregular cycles. I thought it may be due to a pretty traumatic (physically traumatic) removal of an IUD that my former lovely midwifes (I'll talk about them another day) improperly inserted. It was long and bloody, and I don't wish that kind of experience to anyone. They say it's not, but it's not like I trust doctors that much anymore. I'm trying to trust my current provider, but it's not that easy. Let's give them a chance and see how long does it take them to get back to me.

A dream

It's not that common for me to remember what I dream, but this morning I had a very clear memory of it. In my dream, I had a VBAC. I didn't remember anything of the delivery itself, but I was in a hospital room, holding my baby after a smooth delivery. It was a feel good dream, but a little bit scary too, because a couple of weeks before L was born I also dreamed that I had a smooth natural delivery, and it didn't happen. It was just a dream, but it's funny that I had it on my birthday.